Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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