You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
