The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I want a musical about memes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
