You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
