you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
