I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we should paint friendship bongs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize