I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
