i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
