Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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