Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
