I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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