I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
