Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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