Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
