Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
