so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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