the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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