Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize