I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
