I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
