Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
