we have pet lesbian snakes
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
