its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
