she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
