im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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