Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
