Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
