Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
