Nicole vs. Life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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