i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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