it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Bring me that man meat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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