OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
