I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
