Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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