It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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