My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
