were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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