Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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