Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
