If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
bring money and cleavage
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
