Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
