I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
