i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
