so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize