so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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