i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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