I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
