remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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