i can't believe i had my finger in that
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
