Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
