theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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