wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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