I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
