Whod you bang
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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