i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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