We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
