We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is classic penis vs brain.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
