The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
