dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
