wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
