There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My cat gives me a boner
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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