Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
