I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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