Your face is a jimmy john
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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