My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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