Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
