We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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