The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ttyl tear gas
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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