You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize