Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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