dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
