fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
