Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
