In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
