When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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