After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
last night I used snow as a chaser
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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