im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
