you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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