My sheets look like a crime scene.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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