Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize