Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
