This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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