suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
