I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
