Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
