will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
