i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
