Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it was like having sex with a tree stump
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
